Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my grandfather, Carter Paysinger Sr. For as far back as I can remember I have done my best to live like my grandfather. My grandpa exemplifies the very essence of the words gentleman and chivalrous. Not to mention he is caring, giving, and extremely trustworthy. Has an inner strength and resolve that many men could not begin to comprehend. My grandfather is a great man.
I always think back to the few years before my grandma passed away. She went from being chef, house keeper, money manager, and caretaker for all of us to basically only being able to sit on the couch or lie in bed watching the days go by. She would get up around 8am every morning and slowly shuffle her feet to the living room where she sat all day on the left side of the couch. Many times she needed the assistance of her walker. Before she became ill, my grandfather would take care of all the home repairs and yard work. Everything else was the responsibility of my grandmother. It worked for them. They were very old school and it worked. Well when my grandmother could no longer handle her daily duties, it all fell on the shoulders of my grandpa. Athirst, you expect anyone to assume the extra responsibilities because their partner is not well. But after years of taking care of all the household duties, most men would have an issue (not all but I’m guessing most would). My grandfather never complained! He loved my grandmother so much that caring former all day, every day, was not an issue. If he left the house for an extended period of time to attend a sporting event or something like that, it was hard for him to relax because all he could think about was getting back to my grandma. He always wanted her to be comfortable and happy, despite her pain from the illness. My grandfather even started using a cell phone just in case she needed him while he was running errands. This may not sound like a big deal because cell phones are a huge part of our lives. But for an old school southern boy from Plain Dealings, Louisiana (haha look that one up on a map), this was a huge deal. Every day he cooked, cleaned, worked in the yard, ran errands, did laundry, and took care of anything else that needed to get done. Plain and simple, he loved my grandmother and would have done anything for her. Every time he looked at her, you knew he was honored to be her husband. If he could have switched places with her so that she would not have to suffer, you better believe he would have done so without hesitation. Their love was unwavering. They bickered and argued like every couple. They both made mistakes just as everyone does. However, no matter how hard things were, they stuck by one another. Decade after decade their love continued to be the real deal.
The point of this is that I do not understand why this type of love is so scarce these days. Also, why are more and more men abandoning chivalry? On the other hand, why are women putting up with men that do not ALWAYS treat them like they are the most special person on the planet? Chivalry needs to bead way of life for all men: opening doors, walking on the side of street, saying please and thank you, offering your jacket, and everything else that defines modern day chivalry. I cannot begin to explain how upset I get when I hear about some of the ridiculous ways men are treating women. Maybe I’m just different. Being able to study my grandfather could have possibly given me an unfair advantage. Which makes you think the breakdown in chivalry did not start with my generation but quite possibly with our parent’s generation. Regardless, it is absolutely sad how bad relationships are these days. Many of my friends don’t understand why I am so picky when it comes to getting involved with someone. For me, it is simple. I am going to always go above and beyond for that person. Anything they need or want, I will make it happen. I will do anything and everything possible to make them happy. Most of the things I do will have a level creativity, thoughtfulness, and not to mention spontaneity. Every day she will feel like the luckiest women in the world. So when I am confronted by my friends, I tell them that I refuse to waste all that I have to offer on someone that I know isn’t worth my efforts. I am not of fan of getting involved with anyone that comes along. It is a waste of time for both of us.
More men need to step up and start being a man! Treat your lady with respect and admiration. Let her know every day how special she is to you. Tell her that she looks beautiful. When she changes her hair or tries anew fashion style, be aware of it and comment as to how she looks (be positive and respectful). Protect her always. Uplift her when she’s down. When she is excited about something, you get excited too. Let her know that you appreciate her. Make sure she knows that your life would be incredibly irrelevant if she was not by your side. Surprise her with random gifts from time to time. Be sure to listen to her when she talks. Be honest with her. When she is sick, you do whatever it takes to make her feel better: bring soup, run her errands, stay up with her until she falls asleep, rub her back, etc. When you’re around other people always make her feel as if she is more important than anyone else in the room. When she cooks, you clean the dishes. When she cries, you console. Be strong for her. Ask how her day went. Be sure she knows that you two are equal in all that you do. Wake up a little early and bring/make her favorite breakfast from time to time. When she does something special for you, make sure you TELL her that you appreciate what she did. Always spoil her. Support her in everything that she does. When she does something that you don’t agree with or something that upsets you, be honest with her about your feelings (be honest and composed...refrain from being attacking and belittling). No matter if it is verbally, emotionally, or physically, don’t you EVER intentionally hurt her. We’re human and we’re destined to make mistakes that can hurt those we care about. But intent to hurt someone is never allowed. Always be faithful to her. If you cheat on her, you really don’t care about her the way she deserves. There is never an excuse for cheating. If there is, I would like to hear it so I can tell you you’re wrong. Be caring and compassionate. Make sure you are always a gentleman. I know it is hard for us guys, but admit when you’re wrong. Hold her when she needs to be held. Leave her alone when she needs to be left alone. Be a man and take care of your lady.
Chivalry does not have to die. It is not just a trait of the men from older generations. Chivalry needs to live on forever. I know doing all those things above for your special lady seems a bit excessive. To me, it is necessary. In fact, you can always do more. There should never be a limit to what you will do in order to make sure she is happy. Maybe I am too much of a romantic. Some of yall see it as being somewhat weak and overly catering. I assure you I am not weak. I am also fully confident in myself and what I am about. I just have a firm belief that a man is to spoil his lady, period. If you’ve never tried, well then give it a shot. Let’s be clear though. I am not saying be a push over and you definitely don’t want your lady to walk all over you. Your lady does need to appreciate you and all that you do for her. If that’s not the case, then she is not worth your time or energy. But when you find that special woman who cares about you, just as you do her, and she genuinely appreciates your efforts...you will be amazed how great a feeling that is forthe both of you. Be more like grandpa Paysinger. When that special somebody comes along, love her and spoil her for as long as you’re together.
Here’s to the hope that chivalry will not die!
Justin
Below are links to a couple articles on Modern Day Chivalry:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_150/164_dating_girl.html
http://www.ivillage.com/10-rules-chivalry-every-guy-should-know-doesnt/4-a-283699
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