Random Romantic Tip

I don’t know about you but this has been a very long week. One thing after another, the days seemed to drag on. However, this doesn’t mean you should forget to do something nice for that special someone. Don’t worry, I will have a post for all my fellow single folks in the next couple days. In the meantime, for those of you in a relationship, feel free to do this at any point over the next few days. 

Here is what you’re going to do. It’s very simple this week. Take a piece of paper and fold it in half. On the front of one of the halves, write the name of your gf/bf. Next, you’re going to recall one of your favorite memories that you two share and then write in on the inside of the folded paper. Use any sort of favorite memory between you two. An innocent fun memory OR a not so innocent one, that is up to you. Only you two will see this note, so if you want to get a little explicit, go for it. The way I see it..your relationship, your business! Before you sign your name to the note, think of line from a song or movie that captures how you feel about your partner. Make sure it is from a song/movie that they can relate to. For example, if your gf/bf is a music fan, you could use a line from the hip hop centered movie Brown Sugar that goes, “You are the perfect verse over a tight beat.” This is just one example out of countless possibilities. No matter what you chose, make sure it is special. After you write the line, sign you name to the card. 

Once you’re satisfied with the card, leave it somewhere you know they will look. No need to hide it like we did with the sweet treat a few Random Romantic Tips ago. Just make sure you’re not around when they see it. If you want to see their reaction/expression to the card, just make sure they can’t see you as they find the card. Let them have that moment to themselves without the pressure of you standing there watching them. Once you know they saw the card, come up to them and look them in the eyes. Reiterate again how much you care for them. Also, don’t forget to tell them how much you truly appreciate them, through the cherished good times and inevitable bad times. After that, give them a nice long kiss…

Have a great weekend!

Justin

Salute to the Singles

A friend of mine has been thinking a bunch about why so many people, who are single, don’t take the time to see the positives about not being in a relationship. Rather, they spend so much precious time feeling down about being single or they are envious of those around them who have a significant other. But why is this? Why do people feel they need to be in a relationship in order to be happy? Another question, is why do people tend to allow themselves to get back with someone when the relationship was unhealthy the first time around? Loneliness and depression in our lives can drive us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. I for one have been guilty of this in my past. We yearn for the romantic compassion from another person so badly at times that we will get involved with just about anyone, whether there is a true attraction or not. This is especially evident in situations where individuals go back to a former bf/gf, knowing the relationship was bad before. I don’t generally like to use the word hate. However, I HATE seeing someone go back to a relationship that was filled with abuse, infidelity, and other toxic behaviors by one or both people involved. Someone who treated you that way and did things that hurt you, does not care about you. If they did, they wouldn’t hurt you intentionally. Now, I understand that there are sometimes deeper issues within a person that makes them do negative things to the ones they care about. However, if they cannot, or will not, accept that they have a problem and will not get help, then they are in no place to be in a committed relationship in the first place. For those of you reading this that I know, and those of you I don’t, I assure you I care about you more at this very moment than that person who hurt you before ever will. Don’t put yourself in the position to be hurt again because you’re lonely. Embrace other aspects of your environment to help you fill that void such as good friends, supportive family, and any other positives in your life. You will be amazed at how uplifted you will feel by allowing these things help you deal with the emotions centered around loneliness. 

As you continue to navigate through the single life and begin dating; do not forget that you deserve someone who sincerely cares about you. That person needs to have your best interest in mind at all times. Don’t fall in love with the first person that comes along and makes you feel good. Those emotions may be a result of being single for a while. Take the time to get to know the person before you decide to be in an official relationship. Rushing into a relationship that has no true foundation will likely not last. This will end up being a waste of time, energy, emotions, and money for both of you. No to mention the time it will take to get over that person.  Also, I know we’re all human and have certain physical needs. However, have a little respect for yourself. Whether you’re male or female, don’t give up your “treats” too quickly. Don’t take someone out on a date with the intention of getting to sleep with them because it’s been a while. That is ridiculously rude and insensitive. On the other side, do not accept a date with someone because you hope they’ll sleep with you and end the “drought.”  Again, have respect for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I understand things happen sometimes. Random hook-ups, one night stands, “aint nothin wrong with a little bump and grind,” what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas..I get it! And I’m guilty of it all at some point in my past. However, be mindful of these decisions and how they can possibly complicate your life. Sometimes you have a little fun and it ends up being just fine. But then there may be a time when that other person reads more into the “fun” and that’s when things start to get difficult.

With all this said, it is up to you to decide how you will deal with being single. For some people, the single life is the preferred life. For others, the single life couldn’t be more discouraging. Those of you who despise being single, just remember that special person you’re meant to be with is coming. I don’t know how, why, when, where, or any of that stuff. If I did I would change my name to Thee Oracle and start myself arguably the first 100% legitimate fortune telling business. Accept that it is ok to be single! Learn to enjoy yourself a bit more. Take the time to discover qualities about yourself that you may not otherwise have the chance to do while in a relationship. Treat yourself to special things and don’t be afraid to spoil yourself on a daily bases too. No one should need another person to help them feel special or validated. If you cannot appreciate yourself then how can you expect someone else to do so? 

Here’s to the single life!

Justin

Salute to the Singles: Weekend Edition

I have given suggestions for all those in relationships through my Random Romantic Tip posts. However, what about the single people of the world?! Don’t worry, this post is for you. Well actually, it is for us since I am single too. Although we don’t have a special someone in our life doesn’t mean we can’t treat ourselves to something nice and relaxing like I suggested for the couples. Therefore, below I have a little advice for you to have a great Sunday evening as well. 

Go out and buy your favorite dinner. Or if you want, make your favorite dinner at home. Be sure to pick up a dessert and a bottle of good wine or other beverage of choice (it can be alcoholic or not). Before you eat your dinner put on some relaxing music and light some candles (or dim the ceiling lights). Once this is done, be sure your dinner is put away and can stay warm. Next, put your phone on silent and take a nice hot shower. Stand in the shower and the let the hot water run on our head and feel it as it streams down your body. Pay attention to every strand of water running down your body and let it relax you. After your shower, put on some comfortable clothing and proceed to you dinner. Prepare your plate and pour your drink. At this point, turn your music up a little louder so you can really take in the vibes of the sounds. Sing along with the music if you want. As you eat your dinner, take slow bites and savor every part of the meal. As you eat, drink, and listen to the music, think of some fun memories/stories from your past. Remember, its ok to laugh out loud to yourself too. Whatever you do just allow yourself to be totally relaxed.

After you finish dinner, go get your dessert. Sit on your couch or lie in bed and put your feet up. Eat your dessert slowly as you continue to listen to the music. Let yourself slip into the melodies of the music. Now, remember this next tip. DO NOT allow yourself to wonder about what life would be like if you had a boy/girl-friend. Also, do not worry about the rigors of life that may be plaguing you at the moment. That will defeat the whole purpose of this night. This night is about you enjoying yourself. Only think about how lucky you are to have the ability to be in your own space with a good dinner, some dessert, and relaxing music. There are many people who would do unspeakable things to be in your shoes. So appreciate all that you have going on in your life and don’t allow your mind to toil over thoughts about what may not be right in your life at the moment. 

As the night goes on, continue to relax with your music and your thoughts. If you can, fall asleep to the sound of the music. If the music doesn’t allow you to sleep, cut it off and head to bed while you are relaxed and can have a good night of sleep. I’m sure doing everything above will help you have a great start to your week.

Happy Sunday!

Justin

Random Romantic Tip: Weekend Edition

On this relaxing, and likely recovery (depending how you spent your St. Patty’s Day), Sunday afternoon, I have decided to share another random romantic tip. I suggest doing this tonight so you can put a nice cap on the weekend. {Disclaimer: If you have kids, be sure they are asleep and will not disturb you}

You and your partner need to get a bottle of body lotion or moisturizing oil. Put on some nice soothing and romantic music. I prefer a good R&B slow jams playlist. But y’all use whatever you want. Place a couple sheet or towels on top of the bed so you don’t ruin your bedding. You can also be on the couch as well. Just be sure to put some sheets down. I also suggest turning off the lights in whatever room you are in and use candles instead. If you can dim the lights in the room, that works too. Once the lotion is ready, the music is going, and the lighting is right, you two will take turns giving one another massages. Now, I understand most of you are not trained massage therapist. However, I assure you just the touch of your hands on your partners body will be very satisfying for them. Just remember to keep it simple. Rub their body in a sensual way just as you would want to be rubbed. As the music is playing and the goose bumps overtake their body from the pleasure of your hands, be sure to tell them how much you enjoy and appreciate them in your life. Every once and while, instead of saying things out loud, lean over and whisper something sweet in their ear. Actually, you can whisper whatever you want in their ear. That is between you and your partner. As you finish your whisper, give them a long soft kiss in the area of their neck that is between the back of the neck and the side of the neck. Then run your bottom lip gently along their skin from that spot on their neck to their ear and whisper something again. Laugh with one another and take in the moment. After about 15-20 minutes, switch places and do just as your partner did for you. Sing together, tell stories, recall special memories from your relationship, and truly have a good time. 

After you both have finished your massages, why not sneak into the kitchen and grab some ice cream or another similar sweet treat. Take it back to your room and share it together. The music and candles will still be going so the mood will be great just as it was with the massages. Continue to talk and laugh with one another. If they don’t mind, feed them a little of the ice cream. Once they take in the spoonful of ice cream follow it up with a kiss on the lips or on the forehead. Lay with one another as you eat and let the music help you fade away into total relaxation. 

Now, once the massages are complete and the ice cream has been eaten, just lie there with one another holding each other closely. Again, keep laughing and talking if you want. Or you can just listen to the music. Give a kiss every so often as well. At this point, the rest of the night is up to you two. Since I try to keep this blog relatively PG-13, I won’t give anymore suggestions as to what yall could do or what you might want to try for that matter..wink, wink {insert cheesy smile}. BUT I am sure you can use your imagination!

Here’s to a lovely Sunday!

Justin

Technology: A Luxury and a Curse

Technology, what a wonderful part of our world today. Smart phones are capable of doing amazing things these days (although I miss playing snake on my Nokia 5110). We have airplanes that can essentially fly and land themselves. Video games are more real than ever. I was watching a commercial the other day and was excited about what I thought was this new action movie being released soon. Come to find out, it’s a video game. It looked so real though! We can video chat with people from virtually anywhere on the planet. Medical technology is mind blowing and is steadily improving every day. Don’t get me started on cars.  They can actually park themselves now. Where in the hell was that over a decade ago when I was freaking out about hitting the curb on my driving test. Parking themselves is just the start to what cars are capable of doing. I could go on for a long time about the different technological luxuries we enjoy today that were once only considered science fiction. Think about it, aside from flying cars and living in outer space, both of which are close to being a reality, we’re not that far away from living like The Jetsons.  

However, is technology playing somewhat of a negative role when it comes to relationships? Not just romantic relationships but all types of relationships. That is the bases of today’s discussion. Too often we choose to send a text, email, Facebook post/message, or a Tweet instead of picking up the phone and calling someone. These types of electronic communication seem to always win over having a face to face convo. Why is that? I understand it saves time to just shoot a quick text but is it necessary all the time? Sure, during the grind of the day it is easy to send an email to someone so you don’t disrupt your work flow too much. I understand and, admittedly, I am guilty of doing it as well. However, I often sit and wonder when it is acceptable to communicate through technology and when is it not. Being nearly 2000 miles away from most of my family and friends, it’s hard to stay up to date with everyone. I rely on a random text, email, or Facebook update to keep me in the loop. My days get so busy that I just don’t have the time to talk on the phone. But you have to wonder if it’s the fact that I don’t have time or is that I do not make time? Instead of sending a text to my best friend, why don’t I pick up the phone and call? I could even set up a Skype convo. Rather than Facebook stalking a family member, or friend, why not spend that time hearing their voice on the other end of the phone? We all need to be more conscious of the fact that having a face to face (or voice to voice) convo with someone should always take priority over communicating via text, email, Facebook, etc., when possible. The connection you have with someone when hearing their voice, or talking to them in person, cannot be achieved through something like an email. If that were possible, we wouldn’t have the need to take someone out on a date or hang out with friends. We could just email or text all of our interactions and feelings: “ok, im picking you up now,” “you look so beautiful,” “we’re walking to the car,” “we just got the restaurant,” “oh yeah, I’ve had the lasagna before, it’s good.” Seems ridiculous doesn’t it?! But so many of us use this type of communication to establish and/or continue relationships with others. Today, when a man and woman swap numbers, they’re usually not waiting for a call anymore. No, they’re waiting for a text. I have seen two people meet and instead of switching numbers, they added each other on Facebook on the spot. They both had their phones out and were searching for one another on The Facebook. Really?! I was amazed at what they were doing. One of them said, “Message me when you want to go out.” I have a better idea, why don’t you get her number and when you want to go out, call her and ask her out...verbally! 

Now, I understand why people prefer electronic communication. It gives them a sort of confidence. They can be whoever they want through text or email. They can send a text without the anxiety of hearing/seeing the other person respond in a way that is not in their favor. For example, if someone doesn’t want to go out with you, sometimes it is easier to be turned down by text than to have the words of them turning you down play over and over in your head. On the other end, if you really don’t like someone, you can be short with them much easier through email than you can if they were sitting across from you. Also, you can respond to that email when you want, if at all for that matter. The way I see it though, if you have the stones to turn someone down in a text, then have the courage to tell them to their face or at least verbally. [Random Disclaimer: I don’t want to sound insensitive, BUT if the person is a complete creeper or stage 5 clinger, then by all means only talk to them electronically (actually you probably should talk to them at all)]. Also, as long as you won’t be in danger by doing so, don’t you dare break up with someone through text, email, or some social networking site. That is just wrong and disrespectful. If they meant enough to you to date them, give them the respect of telling them to their face. When I hear about someone dumping their girl/boy-friend over Facebook, it pisses me off. That is incredibly immature and downright triflin’. Someone should round house you in your esophagus after you just stubbed your toe on the corner of the wall in the middle of the night and then when you fall to the ground they hit you with a fierce monkey knuckle on your funny bone before they viciously donkey punch you in your jejunum…Sorry, I blacked out, where was I? Oh yeah, Electronic communication! And another thing, these days there are too many people on their phone while they’re socializing with friends or on a date. Unless it is an emergency, your friends, date, or whoever you’re are with should have your attention. You can check your emails and tweets after you’re done. Now, if you’re looking up something pertinent to your discussion and plans for the night that is fine. But having your face buried in your phone as you get the latest score update while someone is trying to have a conversation with you…not acceptable, ever! Be attentive to your company. Just as you want their undivided attention as you speak, return that courtesy to them as well. 

Again, I am sometimes an offender of the issues discussed above. I’m human which means I am not perfect. However, I challenge myself, and all of you, to make an effort to change. Or at least do your best to be more aware of the instances when your electronic/technological dependency is interfering with your obligation and need to engage in a face to face (or voice) conversation with someone. 

Put your phones down and step away from your technology driven life every once and a while and have an old fashion conversation with someone. 

Justin

p.s.- DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE!

This clip sort of goes hand and hand with today's topic: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gGXylVz6KI