Last week I wrote a blog that dealt with an old memory of my
Grandma Lessie (dads mom). This blog will be in honor of my late grandma
Milbrey (moms mom) who would have been 72 years old yesterday, April 9th. My grandma passed
away the day before my 13th birthday in 1998. At the time, I did not
understand the impact that her passing would have on me. I loved my grandma
very much and it took me a while to get over her death. However, for the
longest time I tried to make sense of what it meant to lose her given we weren’t
exceptionally close.
For many years after she passed I remember sitting and reminiscing
about her often. Most times I would think about how my brother Spencer, cousins
Chasen and Drew, and I would spend the night over her house. We would play all
night and stay up as late as we wanted. However, without fail, the next morning
she would make us rake up leaves. We’re not talking just the leaves in her yard,
oh no. We had to do her lawn, Ron’s lawn next door, Jessie’s lawn on the other
side, and sometimes the lawns across the street. I used to be so frustrated
when she made us rake those damn leaves. I didn’t mind doing her lawn. After
all she was our grandma. And most times I could stomach doing Ron’s lawn because
he was like an uncle to us all. But I’ll tell you this, when she made us do
Jessie’s lawn I was furious. For two reasons: 1) I just didn’t want to do it
and 2) Jessie was the same age as us and could rake his own leaves! But no, we
had to do it. There’s one thing you should know about my grandma Milbrey. Baby
girl didn’t take any crap from no one. So just as I would find myself ready to
verbalize my dislike for having to rake leaves, I would envision that heavy
hand coming swiftly at my head. It was usually at that point that I would complain
to myself but didn’t dare let her hear me. The other things that pissed me off
was that Spencer never had to rake the leaves. He was only allowed to sit on
the porch and eat popsicles while we worked. I couldn’t be mad at Spencer because
he wanted to work but she wouldn’t let him. There were sometimes when we would
have to work in the back yard after raking leaves all morning. Well she would
let Spencer help with those tasks. So naturally being rested and full of sugar
he made us all look bad because he was so amped up and ready to work. She would
tell me I was lazy and Spencer was a much harder worker than me. In my head I remember
thinking, if I sat on the porch eating popsicles and relaxing all morning I would
be pretty damn efficient too when it was finally time to work.
There was another time when all of the adults were playing
cards. The children were in the other room watching tv and playing. Well my
grandma was sitting at the head of the table and there was a small counter
behind her. As I was playing I hear her call for me. So promptly I ran in there
because you didn’t keep her waiting. When I ran up to her she told me to hold
on as she finished playing her hand. Once she played she said look behind me
and hand me that bag of Cheetos. I looked at the bag sitting less than three
feet away and then I looked back at her in a bit of confusion. She turned to me
again and said hand me the bag. Without thinking I said “it’s right there, why don’t
you just grab it yourself.” After I said it I felt my soul sink to my feet. I
just knew I was going to catch a fierce monkey knuckle to the side of the head.
If you don’t know what a monkey knuckle is, Google it. As I stared at her in
pure terror she leaned in with a smile and said “the next time I tell you to
get something you do it without back talking or else ill break your
<explicit> neck..Now hand me the bag.” Please believe me when I tell you
that it was years before I could eat Cheetos again! That woman put the fear of
all that is holy in me.
These are just a couple, out of the countless other, stories
about my grandmother that I look back on and laugh now. She was so strong and independent.
As I mentioned before, her passing didn’t make sense to me when I was younger.
However, there was one night in college when I had a dream about her. Everyone
was at her house and she was sitting there looking so happy to be with her
family again. We were all surrounding her asking her how she has been and what
heaven was like. But she just smiled and sat there as if she was taking in the
moment. I remember crying uncontrollably in my dream and as I woke up because I
realized at that moment how much I missed her. I missed everything about her.
Including her ability to endure and overcome so much hardship and still
successfully take care of 8 children despite severe poverty and other major
obstacles. She was so loving too. When she liked you, you knew it. My grandma
took care of those she cared about. When you came over to her house you better
bring your appetite because you were going to eat. This makes me think about
her gumbo. I would do unspeakable things to have just one more bowl of her gumbo
(ok maybe three more). Now, my aunts come pretty close when they make gumbo and
I love theirs too. But it’s just not the same.
I love and miss her
so much. I dream about her quite often now. For those who knew her, you couldn’t
help but respect her. She commanded respect everywhere she went. Now granted
she smoked and drank heavily which I wish she hadn’t especially as her health
started to worsen. Regardless, she was who she was. If I could get one more day
with her I would tell her exactly how much she has impacted my life. When things
get tough for me, I do my best to channel her strength. My grandma will always
be with me and the rest of our family. We will always have our memories and
lessons she taught us to guide our paths.
Happy Birthday Grandma Milbrey!
Love,
Your “Lazy” Grandson, Justin :-)
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