I have been going back and forth with a friend about the
need for her to put aside her nervousness and go after this guy. This
friend has many great attributes but yet constantly lets her shyness keep her from putting
herself in position to be with guys that she is interested in dating. Therefore,
to that person that has amazing qualities but let’s their shyness get in the
way of being with that special guy or girl, this blog is for you. I am
confident that you will find some sort of motivation to push past your personal
barriers and go get that person you want.
Let’s start with discussing why you’re shy about interacting
with someone you’re interested in romantically. Here are some common questions the
timid person is likely to toil with: What if they turn me down? What if they don’t like
me? Am I good looking enough? Are they too good for me? Can I really make them
happy? Do they like my body? What will their friends think? Do we have anything
in common? What if they find someone better? Will they treat me right? Will my
friends like them? What if my family doesn’t like them? Is there really a
future for us?
These are all valid questions. But you know what, none of it
matters! The time you’ve wasting over analyzing the situation, that other
person, who you know isn’t good enough, has just got the date. The moments you
let slip by without opening your mouth and telling that person how you
feel…well I hate to tell you this but you just missed out…again! Stop worrying
about what ifs and just go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that the
person doesn’t feel the same and turns down your request for a date. Guess
what, that is actually good news. You’re an amazing person by nature. Everyone
around you can see that. In fact, your presence alone just screams out “I’m a
great person.” Therefore, they can already sense that you’re a good individual
before you even open your mouth. If they turn you down, it’s their loss. They
have just missed out on a great opportunity to be happy. Its ok, I assure you.
Just think, now you have eliminated someone not good enough for you and
continued to clear the path towards the person you were meant to be with. And
despite how “real” your feelings are for that person that turned you down; if
they don’t have reciprocal feelings then things weren’t as “real” as you
thought. You should be glad they were honest enough to turn you down. Imagine
the hurt you would experience had they accepted your date out of pity with no
intentions of things going anywhere. So while you have dreamed up this
beautiful night and future for the two of you, they are merely trying to make
it through the date with as little awkwardness as possible. Don’t do that to
yourself. Again, allow the path to clear for that special person; that person
who wants you just as you do them.
Don’t let your shyness dictate your happiness. There is no
valid reason for you to miss out because you “don’t know what to say.” Or the
excuse,” I just can’t do it, I’m really too shy.” Stop it!! You do know what to say. I know you’ve
practice that moment over and over and over again. You have already mapped out
exactly what, when, where, and how it will be said. You have also imagined how
that person will respond. So it is complete nonsense to use the excuse “I don’t
know what to say.” Think about this, would you rather hide behind your shyness
and be lonely or step up and go get what you want?! If you really want to be
with this person, nothing will stop you from giving yourself a chance to be
with them. If you really just cannot put aside your shyness for this person,
then maybe you need to reevaluate whether or not you legitimately want to be
with them. If these were legit feelings, your shyness would be a non-factor.
I am speaking from a place of experience. This shy person
constantly missing out and always over analyzing, this was me for a huge
portion of my life. I was the guy that could never get it right. I always lost
to the other guy, when it came to girls. I was always destined to be in that
horrible place called the friend zone. I could never tell the girl how I felt
but I made myself a great friend because at least I got to be around them. I
had to suffer through watching them date terrible guy after terrible guy,
knowing I was the one that could make her happy. Yet I never said anything
because I was “too shy.” In my earlier years of college I had enough. There was
a girl that I cared for deeply and was certain that we should be together.
However, I could never get the nerve to tell her how I felt. Every day, we hung
out and talked…but the simple words “I. like. you.” never came out. I would
listen to her talk about the qualities she wanted in a guy and knew I was all
of that and more. But no, my shyness and fear of what ifs kept me from going
down that road. Well the one night I finally got up the nerve to tell her how I
felt, I get a call as I am going to her house. The call is from this girl and
she is telling me that some dude just asked her out and she really likes him.
To make it worse she thanked me for being such a great friend and for listening
to her vent about her ideal guy. Now, take a second and imagine how you would
feel if in this situation. After nearly a year, you are finally going for it
and just like that another person is in the spot you’ve dreamed about. And your
guy/girl is thanking you for it!! In case you’ve never experienced this, it
hurts badly! After I dealt with the hurt, I decided never again. My shyness was
done determining my romantic life’s fate…done! Not another girl that I was
sincerely interested in would go without knowing how I felt. Now whether they
feel the same or not is out of my control so I don’t worry about that. I just
cross the bridge that presents itself once they know.
So to all you shy folks out there reading this, you have to
change or you will continue to come up short. I know it’s uncomfortable but consider
the alternative…a life filled with continued loneliness and unfulfilled
desires. The choice is yours.
Here’s to the new you.
Justin
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